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托福之独立写作(一)

发布时间:2018-01-16 10:04:47 来源:朗阁培训中心 编辑:朗阁小编
托福之独立写作(一)

 
在上次的文章中,我们以学生的习作为例介绍了避免跑题的几种方式,即如何审题及写主题句。本文内容将以范文为例来提供几种段落development的方法,同时将其应用于真题中。
 
一、评分要求
在5分的评分中有以下几个要求:
1. Is well organized and well developed, using clearly appropriate explanations, exemplifications, and/or details;
2. Displays unity, progression, and coherence;
通过使用清晰地合适的解释、例子及细节来达到条理清晰,论证充分的目的;同时段落中要保证统一性、渐进性及连贯性,即例子和细节都是来支持该段落的主题句,很多学生欠缺例子支持主题句,同时句子之间的关系不紧密。因此,以下内容是以实例为主,来介绍主体段的扩写方法。
 
二、扩写方法
1. It is more important to keep old friends than to make new friends.
In my eyes, on the one hand, keeping old friends will bring us many benefits in our daily lives. In the first place, being old friends means that both sides know each other deeply. Specifically, they are aware of the other party’s lengths and shortages, which means that they will forgive old friends’ errors and appreciate their improvement during their communication. For instance, Helen and I, having been friends for twelve years, know each other well and I know she is quick in speech and straight forward in thought. One day, I, breaking her up through my own carelessness, was criticized fiercely by her in front of the whole class. Since I understand her temper, instead of getting angry and quarrelling with her, I apologized to her and finally she knew her boldness and we were reconciled. In the second place, old friends mean both parties get along with each other for a long time and they have a better understanding of the other side. When one is in a dilemma, old friends can always give proper advice and get out of trouble. A new friend cannot give such good suggestion due to strangeness.
在该段落中,由on the one hand可知,文章采用的对比结构,可能是段落内部对比,也可能是段落间的对比,因该段落没有on the other hand,所以是段间对比。由many benefits 可知,该段落后面至少提到两个benefits, 即know each other deeply and get along with each other for a long time.....( 红色部分).对于第一个点的benefit,文中采用了语法标志词,specifically, 来对此进行同义改写,换句话说,对主题句的扩写的第一种方法可以用同义句改写,但是需要注意同义句在范围上比主题句小, 即同义句是可以量化的,这样才能体现progression, coherence的标准。接下来,用例证法(for instance)来对扩写的句子展开(黄色部分),该部分主要是从语义上来支持第一个benefit, 同时采用了因果论证。就第二个benefits而言,文中采用when引导的时间状语来举例,同时采用了因果论证和对比论证的方式。整个段落来说,详略得当,使人产生一种主次分明的美感。因此,可以总结以下的文章结构:
On the one hand, doing sth will bring us many/numerous benefits in our daily life. In the first place, doing sth means that...........Specifically, ................., which means that........For example,......
In the second place, 题目关键词means that......When.........
在此结构中,扩写的方法是同义句+例证法+因果法+对比法,在此过程中可以采用语义场的方式找到可以继续扩写的同义句。
 
2.Parents should make decisions for their children.
These days, it is no longer uncommon to hear that some parents obstinately choose to force their children to do this or that, disregarding their kid’s opinions. The reason is that many parents cherish some pursued but failed dreams in their own childhood and consequently hope that their children can fulfill these dreams for them. One of my friends, Leon, who takes considerable interest in chemistry, often complains to me that his father is making every effort to persuade him to become a businessman in the future, forever talking about the benefits that this job will bring about, including sufficient income and high social status. I have learnt, from several conversations with him, that my friend has already got sick of his father’s everlasting lecture. How successful a businessman Leon could become, I could not imagine; but how reluctantly he would follow his father’s instructions, I could easily believe.
该段落从父母的角度来重述了题目,体现出与题目的统一性(unity),第二句是对第一句的原因分析,也可以成为该段落的主题句,接下来是采用例证和因果分析,符合提出问题,分析问题,解决问题的思路,因此,第二种扩写的方式是重述主题+原因,结构如下:
主题句,即改写题目句式。The reason (why+改写前一句,要包含前一句的关键词)is that......
 
3. The best way to improve education quality is to improve teacher’s salaries.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that higher salaries play an indispensable role in improving teaching quality. According to Maslow’s hierarchy theory, hardly could anyone be devoted to his/her job without a good pay being ensured. Without earning enough money, hardly anyone could feel satisfied with the current situation, not to mention self-achievement. A recent survey was conducted by the magazine China Youth on fifty-six middle schools which are located in the countryside where the teachers’ salaries are relatively low 2,500 RMB on average. It was revealed that those teachers do not seem to be enthusiastic enough about their jobs, talking about the school and students with indifference when being interviewed, and could not be bothered to answer students’ questions after school. Therefore, a raise in salaries is urgently needed.
该段落的扩写方法是主题句+引用(解释)+例证
4.Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed(damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
One of the main effects of human activity on an area is water pollution. The untreated factory water is detrimental to our health and surrounding environment. According to an influential report, some chemical factories dump waste water which contains various toxins into river, and two convincing reasons can be offered. One reason is that waste water disposal costs much, and another root cause is that the majority of merchants are lack of the awareness of significance of environment protection. When this waste is dumped into rivers, the water downstream becomes undrinkable and unusable for agriculture, and also kills plant and animal life in the rivers.
该段落的扩写方式是同义改写主题句的宾语(water pollution=the untreated factory water),并具体化其产生的影响(health and surrounding environment),影响是正面还是负面取决于具体的题目。同时该段落对其进行了主要原因和次要原因的因果分析,是文章具有层次分明的美感。
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